i got the work of director michel gondry dvd yesterday and i love it. his videos and short films are nothing short of genius. i wish i was creative and interesting like him. but, no, i spend my time continually wishing i was someone else as opposed to going out and being myself. because "myself" is not really worth anything, of course.

my mom's mad at me because i don't want to go over my grandmother's house. she thinks i don't spend enough time with my family. i was just over there last week, watching access hollywood and other fine television programs for three hours with her, by myself. is that not enough? she's going to say i spend more time with my friends than with my family. but i'll tell her that i have been out with friends on a weekend a grand total of three times since january. three. i've been over my grandmothers' house far more times. so, just fuck off. it's bad enough that i think all my friends hate me anyway.

i cried twice yesterday, once in the morning while i was getting ready for school and once after school at home. i hadn't cried in a long time.

it pisses me off so much that she's mad at me. she doesn't even get it.

i better stop writing before i start crying again.

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