so, apparently i'm going to prom. a few of my friends really wanted me to go. so i said that the only way i would go would be if rachel went. of course, i never suspected in a million years that she would go to prom. never. but, guess what, our good friend david asked her to be his date, and she's going, so apparently, i'm going. here are a list of the things that went through my head as my friends were trying to convince me to keep my promise:

1. "but what about my anti-prom party?" i had this whole great plan with a couple of other people to have a sleepover and watch movies and make fun of all the losers that are going to prom because prom sucks. now i can't go.
2. "but i am morally opposed to prom!" prom is just an over-priced school dance. tickets are $120. in the end, the expenses will be much more than that. it will be difficult to afford.
3. "but...what about all the people?" i get incredible tense, anxious, and quiet when i am around big groups of people. seeing all of those stupid couples latched on to each other for an entire night will be almost too much for me to bear. i will be simultaneously jealous and sickened by said couples. i do not fare well at social events, no matter who is with me.
4. "but at least you'll be with friends." i do enjoy my friends on occassion. maybe they will come through and make me feel better. maybe.
5. "maybe the party afterwards will be fun." liquid courage. enough said.
6. "you don't have a date, you loser." all the people i might have asked to prom have been taken. who wants to be seen with me, anyway? I am a loser and boring and nobody likes hanging out with a boring loser.
7. "at least your mom will be happy." well, my mom, as it turns out, isn't that happy about it. she's upset that i don't have a date. i told her that i wished she could be more excited for me (because she was making such a big deal about me going in the first place and i was giving her a hard time about it), but she said she's having a hard time getting over the fact that i won't have a date. so, no encouragement from her.
8. "black dress. fishnets. combat boots." if i am going to go, i am going to dress the way i want to. i am going all out.
9. "you have no time to buy a dress!" ap week. research paper. physics lab. physics test. sats. math test. shoot me
10. ."you traitor. you have let down your anti-prom party friends. you have become one of....them." god, i hate myself for that.

....i'm so torn. this is invading my mind and planting little eggs in my brain and is going to give me hell until may 15.

gah.

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