i went out today, finally. i went with my old friend and some of her other buddies to an open mic in old town. it was amazingly lame. there were all these middle school emo wannabe kids with striped tights and a million bracelets and highlighted hair wearing pleated miniskirts and high tops. i saw five or six 8th graders that go to my school (my school is a high school and elementary school) hanging out in the front rows, thinking they were really punk and edgy. not to mention all of the emo kids my age, especially the boys in the bands that played all of their loud crappy music. not that there is anything wrong with loud; i quite like loud. i just have a problem when you can't understand all of the angsty teenaged lyrics over amatuer guitar playing. it was bad. there was one band that we called simon and garfunkel that played some acoustic songs and were all harmonized and cheerful sounding and stuff. suprisingly enough they weren't half bad. too bad everything else sucked. we left an hour early to go eat at ihop. despite all that, though, it was generally a lovely afternoon and evening. a little awkward at times, of course, but what should i have expected? she's still bitter about some things while i want to forget all of that stuff and start anew, but it's going to be hard. she's still exactly the same, though, the same sense of humor, the same stubborn outlook about the rest of the world. but i've changed a lot since we first met. i am essentially a totally different person. no longer subservient, not as goofy, a bit more comfortable with my place in the world (or at least that's how it appears to be to others). i think this can work out though. i really hope it can.

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